LoLo

This weight loss journey has been long and daunting. It has also been exhilarating and life changing. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done but also the best. I, I, I, me, my. Words I use a lot, especially when I am blogging. Crossfit is a huge part of my journey but Crossfit is not about me and I. It’s about we, us, partner, family and team. I write about the stories of my journey but I am not on the journey alone. I have many friends who are in the midst of their own quests, whether they just started running to show their daughters that they can achieve anything they put their mind to or training to qualify for the Crossfit Regionals or making this the year they truly become that endurance athlete they have always dreamed of, they all have such inspiring stories. I am grateful that my journey has crossed paths with so many others, but I am truly fortunate to be a part of someone else’s. 

Five thirty a.m. is dark and miserable, in the winter it is raw. Getting out of bed before the sun comes up is difficult but getting up so early to exercise is simply miserable. Knowing I have a partner who is going to meet me at the box each morning makes all of this bearable. Lauren and I have a pact, we will push each other to lift a weight heavier than we think we can, use a heavier kettlebell or make sure that the other doesn’t stop running when we are tired. Supporting and competing with each other comes naturally for us because we have similar goals and similar struggles.  We lift close to the same amount of weight and we both run as slow as hell…but we push each other to be better and make sure the other never quits.

I remember when Lauren first started Crossfit. She would put some weight on the bar, far too light for her, searching for her 1 rep max of a movement. She would giggle and say, "that was good enough; I’m not as strong as you.” It would make me crazy because she wasn’t lifting nearly as much as she could have. After constant harassing and bullying from me she has started to lift heavier, probably to just shut me up.

Tuesday the workout was “The Chief.” Max rounds in 3 minutes of 3 power cleans at 95 lbs for women, 6 push-ups and 9 squats. Rest 1 minute and repeat for a total of 5 cycles. We put a few plates on the bar to start to build up to the 95 lbs before beginning. The 95 lbs felt heavy but was doable during the warm-up. I think the clean is one of the more difficult movements for me. I have a very hard time lifting it quickly and then landing under the bar to lift it. I started the WOD with 95lbs and struggled. I kept dropping the weight. I wasn’t able to get a second round of power cleans done before the 3 minutes were up. During my pushups and squats our coach lowered my weights to a manageable (barely) 85lbs. I was frustrated and disappointed with myself.

As I was struggling with my weights I glanced over at Lauren. She was doing the 95 lb power cleans. They were heavy and they were hard for her. But she didn’t give up. With every clean she was pushing herself to the limit mentally and physically, giving it everything she had. Her face was red and the sweat was starting to drip from her forehead. I am sure her arms felt like they were going to fall off and her legs felt like they were going to buckle every time she lifted the bar but it didn’t stop her. I wanted to stop my own workout and just cheer her on. Her grit and sheer determination to finish the entire WOD without decreasing the weight even though it was a struggle, was awe inspiring.

I wasn’t jealous, not even for a moment. I didn’t care for a second that this woman who several months early was afraid to lift heavy was now passing by me. I was just so grateful to be there for this part of her journey. Whether she was conscious of it or not, Lauren started lifting for herself. She had gotten over her insecurities of being “big and strong” and was empowering herself through weightlifting and strength training. She always said she wasn't as strong as me but in reality, she has always been stronger, she just hadn't found her strength yet.

Thanks Lolo for letting me part of your journey, because you are a huge part of mine. Thank you for pushing me, literally at times, and never letting me quit. Thanks for helping me push through the tears and working past the temper tantrums. Thanks for showing me that if I want it bad enough I too can find that strength and determination without wavering.

Year two of my fat to fit journey got off to a slow start but my friend has given me the motivation and inspiration to kick start it.

Top 11 of 2011

Last January I made a concious decision to change my life, and I did.  I swore that I wouldn't look back on my year and be filled with regrets because I let another year pass being to fat to participate in my own life.  I just wanted to lose some weight and call it a day,  I never planned for the journey that awaited me.  Not only did I lose over 50 lbs but I changed my life in ways I couldn't have expected.  It really is overwhelming when I actually take time and think about the past 12 months.  I don't think I could find the words to explain what this year has been so I am going to sum it all up with my Top 11 of 2011.


11.  Crossfit.  As I have explained before, "CrossFit is fast, intense workouts that work you at or near your maximum capacity.  The workouts are sheer, gut-wrenching physical challenges that can often leave you bloodied and on the verge of puking.  It's about you, the reps and the clock, no one else. As individual as this is, it’s also about the community.  When a workout leaves you lying on the ground in your own sweat, panting, too exhausted to stand, your Crossfit family gathers around and completes the last round with you, even after they have completed theirs and are barely able to stand themselves.  It's the same family that cheers for you as you cross the finish line or pushes you to lift more weight than you ever have before.  They tell you to try again when you fail and support you until you do it.  Your success is their success."  

The Women of 5:30 am

10.  Weight Lifting.  Strong is good.  Strong is healthy.

9.  My first 5k.  I remember reading the WOD last March and being scared to death.  I "couldn't" run and got tired at the thought of walking 3.2 miles, forget actually trying to run it.  But the great thing about Crossfit is that trying things outside of your comfort zone becomes your comfort zone.  I hated every minute of it.  I wanted to vomit.  But I did it.  Run, walk, run, walk, walk, walk, run.  I was so proud, especially to finish with these amazing people who came back to run the last 1/4 mile with me.  Who would have known that this would be the day that would start my love/hate relationship with running?

"Sprinting" while Kristin and Cara walk!  I thought I was fast that day.

8.  Paleo Diet.  Basically meat, vegetables, some fruit, some nuts and healthy fats.  It's hard but it works.  I feel better when I eat clean like this.  My body responds well to it.  I just wish I had enough willpower to commit to it without fail.

7.  Branford Road Race.  The race I spent my life imagining I could do.  I thought I was ready and I did the 5 miles and didn't come in last.  The BRR was one of the biggest lessons learned for me over the year.  I put far to much pressure on myself unnecessarily.  I may have been physically ready but I was nowhere close to being mentally ready for it.  I was instantly overwhelmed and never enjoyed it.  My running partner, and dear friend, smiled and laughed the entire time.  Encouraging me the entire way (and the entire year.)  Next year I will run a better race and I will enjoy it as much as Kelly did. 

I saw this about 50 feet from the finish and smiled.  I finally remembered what this journey was all about.

6.  Tuesday Night Running Club.  I don't enjoy running. I definitely don't love it.  But I do not hate it as much as I used to.  Running every Tuesday night getting ready for the Tough Mudder with "my team" made running more tolerable.  The heat, aches, pains and many miles were made better with the support and laughter of friends.  Thanks so much Deb, Gail, Kelly and Lauren (my morning running partner) you guys make me hate running less.

5.  Salem Road Race.  This was hands down the absolute hardest of all the 5K's I did.  Hill after hill after hill.  My greatest fear of finishing last was realized.  I was "breakdown the finish line she's finally here" last.  The only thing behind me was a police car and a long line of cars begging me to finish so they could open the road. 

Leah came back to help me finish.  See the police car and traffic?

4.  Tough Mudder.  12 miles and 19+ obstacles in the mud and ice cold water in November. I trained for it and I felt strong and ready.  I finished and was so happy to share the experience with friends and have my family waiting at the finish for me.  I had fun and will do it again next November.  I never blogged about it.  I thought about my blog entry many times but every time I sat down to do it I couldn't find the words.  I know it sounds strange (especially because I was part of a team) but the experience was so personal for me that I couldn't really put it into words. I am not so sure I really want to.  Just know it was awesome and I pushed myself beyond anything I ever imagined.  Next year I will lose more weight, train harder and do better.

3.  Blogging.  Starting this blog has been one of the most balancing things I have done.  It keeps me accountable and honest, if not to anybody else at least to myself.  I have even gotten some really positive feedback from strangers.  I wish I had more time to write.  

2.  Friendships.  When I started this journey I wasn't planning on making any new friends.  I intended to go work out, do my thing and be done.  I was mistaken, thankfully.  I have made some new friends that I know will be lifetime friends, in the box or not.  Our relationships have grown beyond diets, lifting, running and commiserating about workouts.  They have become a beautiful balance of support, respect, honesty, admiration and some straight up ass kicking when we need it.  I have also reconnected with old friends.  Rebuilding our relationships and remembering fun times while conquering new challenges together has been such a wonderful thing.  

1.  The best thing of 2011 for me has been the love and support of my Family.  It has never mattered what I have done, my family has always been there for of me, but now, I can see the pride in their eyes when I cross a finish line or chatter incessantly about the different workouts.  They don't understand why I do the insane WODs, the races or the crazy, muddy, obstacle courses but they encourage me and support me every step of the way because I care about it and they love me so that makes it important to them.  They are there every step of the way, supporting me and cheering me on.  I am blessed.  I am lucky.  I am going to continue to make them all proud.

Team Elder (often there are several others) How cool are they?

As I move into the second year of my journey I am excited to discover what's in store for me but I am also a bit anxious because 2011 was been an unbelievable and unforgettable year.