Refocusing

My lack of motivation and willpower has pretty much stalled my weight loss.  In the past 4 weeks the numbers on the scale have not moved more than .6 in either direction.  Despite my best efforts, it has been hard to “stay in the game.”  As great as summer is for getting outside and doing the things I enjoy, it’s a saboteur when it comes to diet and exercise.  The never ending humidity and my position at the front of the buffet line at every family barbecue only help to increase the frustration I have with my lack of progress on the scale.  At this point the gut wrenching Crossfit workouts and the miles of running are just helping me maintain what I have already lost.

I am not worried though.  I didn’t put all this extra weight on overnight and it is definitely not going to come off overnight.  When I started this journey I decided that it wasn’t going to be about becoming skinny and I still stand by that.  I am doing this to get healthy.  This time cannot be about trying to look a certain way.  I’m losing weight to BE a certain way: healthy and fit.  Every pound I lose means one less pound for my knees to struggle to carry.  Less weight means running faster and further.  Every pound I leave behind will make it easier for me to do a pull-up and complete more push-ups.  Each pound brings me closer to overall health and fitness.

Being skinny doesn’t help me achieve anything.  It may make me happier but it would only be temporary.  Skinny won’t make me proud but being strong and fast will.  Being fit enables me to accomplish so much.  I can reach new fitness goals and achieve my life goals. Being healthy mentally and physically means I can continuously better myself, making a difference in both my life and my family’s. Striving for fitness allows me to show my son how to believe in himself and become a confident man. My energy does not come from wanting to look a certain way.  It comes from a newfound mental and physical strength.  It has nothing to do with being thin and has everything to do with being healthy and giving myself a chance to live long enough to accomplish everything I want to achieve.

I have been thinking about where I want to be at the end of 2011, what my overall goals for my fitness journey really are.  It truly comes down to one basic thing; I want to be able to do what my body was meant to do. I want to be athletic. I want to be able to run, to lift my body weight (not now, later), and climb high mountains.  I want to swim and bike and enjoy every single moment I possibly can.  The only way I am going to be able to do this is if I refocus and remind myself of the things I want.

I want to:

·         Run a sub-10 minute mile and a sub-30 minute 5k

·         125 lb Clean & Jerk

·         Be able to do “guy” pushups (on my toes rather than knees)

·         Complete the Tri-state Tough Mudder

·         Jump on the 20” box

·         Lose 25 lbs by December 31

In 2012 I want to:

·         Compete in a Sprint Triathlon with my college roommate

·         Run a 10K

·         Climb to the top of the rope

·         Be on a team for the Ragnar Relay

·         Beat my brother to the top of a rock climbing wall

·         Run a marathon…  just joking!  Awesome for those who can and do but I really have no interest.

I WANT TO LIVE A FULL LIFE!

Lack of Motivation

In June I celebrated my 6 month fit journey by hitting the 50 lb weight loss mark and running the Branford Road Race.  Both of these things were major personal accomplishments for me and occurred much earlier than I had planned for my journey.  Unfortunately, as I move into July I feel like I have lost all my motivation and focus.  I’ve only run a mile a few times in the last couple of weeks.  Popcorn, candy and ice cream are Paleo, right?  My only saving grace these days is Crossfit.  I think I keep going because I know they will show up on my front step if I don’t. 

I have heard that runners often get depressed after they run a marathon.  Sounds similar, but I didn’t run a marathon and I certainly didn’t train like I was going to.  I am tired.  I have been investing so much time and energy into getting fit that I am exhausted, physically and mentally.  I am constantly worrying about what I am eating or when I am going to work out.  It is tiring.  It is going to be like this for the rest of my life.  That is a really long time.  I have always had an all or nothing personality.  Dedicating my all to getting fit isn’t working for me right now.

I spent a lot of time running over the past few months and I noticed my “Crossfit” suffered.  I don’t feel as strong as I did 3 months ago.  I struggled with a 95 lb clean & jerk last week.  Now I feel like my running is suffering as I focus on Crossfit once again.  It is hard for me to run and do Crossfit on the same day.  There are many people who do them both, sometimes daily. They are true athletes.  A 3 mile run to them is easy.  Physically it is too much for me.  I still struggle when there is a run in the middle of a WOD.  I am not where they are yet.  I want to be able to do both easily.  It’s frustrating for me not to be able to run a long distance and do Crossfit but I will get there.  I just need to find the balance between the two.

I watch all the weight loss shows and I am always amazed by the extreme body transformations but I always wonder at what cost?  Some of these people leave there families for 5 months at a time, some quit their jobs and dedicate every day to working out for 8-12 hours.  I know if I made that type of commitment I could lose over a hundred pounds too, but again, at what cost.  That type of dedication comes at a high price.  I want to lose the extra weight but I am not willing to walk away from everyone and everything to do it.  I just need to find a way to fit it all in...and keep it fun.

Life is about balance.  I need to make sure I am living a full life.  Balance for me needs to be about spending time with my family, enjoying ice cream on the weekend and then working a little harder in the gym the next day so that I can continue to enjoy those things.  It’s ok to leave the running shoes at home sometimes.  I just need to make sure I put them on again.  I need to stay focused and find balance; if I can’t then everything I have worked so hard for will slip away.   

I am worried that I am slowly creeping back into my old ways but I am realizing that I am really not.  I may be slipping here and there but there is one major difference.  It is just a slip.  The old Christine would throw it all away, continue indulging, cancel the gym membership and catch up on those 17 episodes of General Hospital waiting on Tivo.  Christine 2011 is going to find her motivation again and refocus, coming back stronger and faster than before for the second half of the year.  I’ve got a Tough Mudder to train for!

I am going to take some time and set some new goals for the next 6 months.  But this summer I am going to enjoy some balance.  It can’t be all or nothing.  I’m going to do some trail runs with a friend.  Running through the woods is so much more appealing to me. It might actually be fun!  I am being hopeful.  I am going to run at least 1 mile every day before Crossfit.  I will get faster and stronger but it may not be as quickly as if I was only focusing on one.  I am going to start riding my bike and kayaking again. I am going to play more wiffle ball in the yard with my husband and son.  I will continue my fit journey.  I will get healthier and stronger.  I will just be more conscious of living a balanced life.