In June I celebrated my 6 month fit journey by hitting the 50 lb weight loss mark and running the Branford Road Race. Both of these things were major personal accomplishments for me and occurred much earlier than I had planned for my journey. Unfortunately, as I move into July I feel like I have lost all my motivation and focus. I’ve only run a mile a few times in the last couple of weeks. Popcorn, candy and ice cream are Paleo, right? My only saving grace these days is Crossfit. I think I keep going because I know they will show up on my front step if I don’t.
I have heard that runners often get depressed after they run a marathon. Sounds similar, but I didn’t run a marathon and I certainly didn’t train like I was going to. I am tired. I have been investing so much time and energy into getting fit that I am exhausted, physically and mentally. I am constantly worrying about what I am eating or when I am going to work out. It is tiring. It is going to be like this for the rest of my life. That is a really long time. I have always had an all or nothing personality. Dedicating my all to getting fit isn’t working for me right now.
I spent a lot of time running over the past few months and I noticed my “Crossfit” suffered. I don’t feel as strong as I did 3 months ago. I struggled with a 95 lb clean & jerk last week. Now I feel like my running is suffering as I focus on Crossfit once again. It is hard for me to run and do Crossfit on the same day. There are many people who do them both, sometimes daily. They are true athletes. A 3 mile run to them is easy. Physically it is too much for me. I still struggle when there is a run in the middle of a WOD. I am not where they are yet. I want to be able to do both easily. It’s frustrating for me not to be able to run a long distance and do Crossfit but I will get there. I just need to find the balance between the two.
I watch all the weight loss shows and I am always amazed by the extreme body transformations but I always wonder at what cost? Some of these people leave there families for 5 months at a time, some quit their jobs and dedicate every day to working out for 8-12 hours. I know if I made that type of commitment I could lose over a hundred pounds too, but again, at what cost. That type of dedication comes at a high price. I want to lose the extra weight but I am not willing to walk away from everyone and everything to do it. I just need to find a way to fit it all in...and keep it fun.
Life is about balance. I need to make sure I am living a full life. Balance for me needs to be about spending time with my family, enjoying ice cream on the weekend and then working a little harder in the gym the next day so that I can continue to enjoy those things. It’s ok to leave the running shoes at home sometimes. I just need to make sure I put them on again. I need to stay focused and find balance; if I can’t then everything I have worked so hard for will slip away.
I am worried that I am slowly creeping back into my old ways but I am realizing that I am really not. I may be slipping here and there but there is one major difference. It is just a slip. The old Christine would throw it all away, continue indulging, cancel the gym membership and catch up on those 17 episodes of General Hospital waiting on Tivo. Christine 2011 is going to find her motivation again and refocus, coming back stronger and faster than before for the second half of the year. I’ve got a Tough Mudder to train for!
I am going to take some time and set some new goals for the next 6 months. But this summer I am going to enjoy some balance. It can’t be all or nothing. I’m going to do some trail runs with a friend. Running through the woods is so much more appealing to me. It might actually be fun! I am being hopeful. I am going to run at least 1 mile every day before Crossfit. I will get faster and stronger but it may not be as quickly as if I was only focusing on one. I am going to start riding my bike and kayaking again. I am going to play more wiffle ball in the yard with my husband and son. I will continue my fit journey. I will get healthier and stronger. I will just be more conscious of living a balanced life.
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