Every night before a WOD I have a compulsive need to check the website the to see what the workout is going to be. Whether I am going in the morning or not, I cannot go to bed until I know what the Workout of the Day will be. Many nights, I have found myself fighting sleep until the WOD appears after hitting refresh incessantly for a good 15 minutes. Obsessive? Insane? Slightly. But I’m not alone.
When I checked the website Friday the WOD was “Whitten.” 22 kettlebell swings, 22 box jumps, 400m run, 22 burpees, 22 wall balls. It didn’t look so bad and I was actually excited about doing it. I didn’t realize it was five times. Once seemed fun but 5X?!? That’s 110 of each. 110 burpees. 110 burpees!
I knew this WOD was going to be long and hard and would take everything I had. We were all given the option of cutting in half. I knew I didn't want to do the junior version but wasn't sure I could do the entire thing. I made a deal with myself that if I went a full three rounds and was exhausted I could stop there. I knew if I could do the three rounds I would be happy because that would be more than the half version and if I gave it everything than that would have to be good enough. I've never quit in the middle of a WOD but completing “Whitten” was sure death.
Just a few minutes into my first set of burpees I could already feel my resolve weakening. The WOD was harder than I imagined and it was hot, really hot. By the time I got to my second 400m run my knees were aching, my body was tired and my head felt like it had its own heartbeat. I had to stop running and walk just to catch my breath. Three rounds felt out of reach, the five rounds were not even going to be an option for me.
We had two guests at our box Friday night. These two athletes were impressive. You looked at them and knew there was no hesitation for them with this WOD. They were the elite among the elite. Going in I felt intimidated working out with them but once the clock started all I could focus on was each set, one at a time. No one else was there, no one else mattered.
With as much running as I have been doing the 400m run around the building is still my nemesis. No matter how hard I try, I cannot find a pace and I struggle going around the corners. The switch from gravel to pavement to dirt throws me off every time. All silly things but they get in my head and make it hard for me to run the 400m.
I was exhausted as I headed into the run of only the second round. I slowed my run around the corner and started to walk. I was too tired to run; this WOD was getting the best of me.
I was questioning if I could get through the next set of burpees and then get though another full round. “Pick up your feet and run, even if it’s a slow jog you run.” One of the visiting Crossfitters came sprinting upon me, “We don’t walk at Crossfit. You’re not a Crossfitter if you walk” and he sprinted away, barely breaking a sweat.
To say I was pissed was an understatement. Who the hell did he think he was, coming into my box and telling me I’m not a Crossfitter? He doesn’t know what I can or can’t do! He doesn’t know me! He doesn’t know me. I stopped walking and ran, it was slow and painful, I could barely catch my breath, but I ran. I finished that lap and ran the next one too. I finished the third round and kept going. I vomited twice but I kept going. I truly didn’t think I could finish but I did. I did all 5 rounds. I am a Crossfitter. I may not do the WOD as fast as some (ok, the majority) but I am doing the same WOD. Don’t tell me I am not a Crossfitter. You don’t know me. I will take your words and think about them every day. They will drive me and push me until I cannot give anymore and then I will give some more. That’s what makes me Crossfit.
I thought about this as I was running yesterday. It made me push myself harder. I joke that it only took me a ¼ mile of self loathing to find my pace. It usually takes at least a mile. One mile, whether it feels long or goes by fast, I can come up with a million excuses in my head about why I shouldn’t finish it or why I should just walk. I’m too tired. I’m not fast enough so why bother, just walk. I don’t have any energy left. It’s too humid. One mile is good enough.
My second mile felt good too. I actually had a pace and my breathing wasn't too labored. I ran two strong miles. I could see the stop sign about ¼ mile ahead of me. I knew when I got there I would have to make a choice. Going left would mean running 4 miles. Going right would mean the 2 were good enough. What’s good enough? Running 2 miles instead of the four I need to do? Two solid miles is good. Completing three rounds in a WOD instead of the five? It was the hardest WOD I have ever done. Three full rounds are good. I am a Crossfitter. I am not good enough. I need to be better than that.
Being fat is easy and comfortable. Everything you do is good enough. Getting fit and living the life I want is hard, it’s mentally exhausting. It’s about breaking down all my walls every day. These walls get in my way of running faster, lifting more and being stronger on the inside and out. If I am going to do this than I need to give it everything I have and never accept “good enough.”
I turned left. Good enough can no longer be good enough. I am a Crossfitter. Thank you for reminding me.
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