For me, the best way to lose weight and get stronger is to get back to basics. This means simple, clean eating, early morning runs and small Crossfit classes where I can focus on me and not everyone else and the dreaded clock. I forgot this for a little while.
Yesterday I left early to do the Crossfit mile before the WOD. I know when I do this daily I get better at running. I started the run with my usual self loathing and negative thoughts but I did something different this time. About a half mile into the run I said, loudly to myself, “SHUT THE F#@$ UP!” I am so tired of hearing myself complain about how much I don’t like running, complaining that it is humid and whining because I am not faster. Guess what, if I want to go faster I need to go faster! So I pushed myself and it felt good. I pushed myself a little harder and it felt even better. I finished that mile tired, but not exhausted, it felt great. It felt even better when I looked at my time and saw that I ran my first under 10 minute mile.
When I checked this morning’s WOD I saw the “skill” work was running 2 miles…before the actual workout. I didn’t flinch while reading the post or even consider skipping the WOD. I was looking forward to the run and the WOD itself. Sweet progress. I think there was also some residual cockiness and endorphins left over from my fantastically fast mile. Stick with the basics. Cockiness isn’t part of my Crossfit basics. Nervous, stressed, intimidated: good. Confident, cocky, overeager: bad. As if to remind me of this, I got a great big smack down.
I didn’t start the run out with the negative talk or self loathing. My run felt good. I was going faster than I normally do but hey, I learned that I am lightening fast. I need to push myself to get better. A little under a mile it just wasn’t feeling right. The miles felt overly hard. My legs felt heavy and my feet seemed to drag. I had to stop and walk just short of the finish because I thought I was going to fall. My body didn’t feel like it was mine. Humidity can take a lot out of you but all you can do is push through it, especially when one of the most athletic women you have ever met is waiting on the side of the building for you and is cheering you on with everything she has. You don’t stop. I pushed through with a 23:47 time. Fast for me.
Back at the box I drank some water, we caught our breath and got ready for the WOD. I was “excited” about the WOD. 30 double unders (I can’t do them so I do 60 regular jump ropes), 20 kettlebell swings and 10 wallballs for time. A nice, comfortable WOD, especially after a 2 mile run. 3….2.…1. I was ready to go, feeling better. I did the first 60 jump ropes straight through, no tripping or getting caught up on the rope. I was so pleased with myself I think I actually did a little woot woot out loud. Not being a woot woot girl, you know how excited I must have been to conquer that rope.
Smack down! Like the build up? It’s really not that exciting.
I knew it as soon as I walked over to the kettlebell. I felt like I was drunk. I could feel myself swaying a bit to the side as I was walking. I did the KB swings and half the wall balls before I had to stop and steady myself. I could feel my blood sugar dropping with each movement. With only three rounds left I thought I could muddle through, walk it off, catch my breath, move on. Round 2: jump rope got the better of me. It was just messy. Imagine jumping rope completely drunk. Moved on to KB, half way through I think I lost my balance or slipped with the KB. I’m not sure what I did but it got Super Coach Elayne’s attention. I told her I was fine and I worked through the rest of the kettlebell swings.
By the time I got over to the wall, maybe 2 feet, there was no denying it; I had no control over my body. My hands were shaking, I wasn’t controlling my legs, the music was a far off echo and I was seeing double. I needed to stop or I was going down. I had something to eat and brushed it off when Elayne looked a bit worried. After a few minutes rest, with more solid legs and a headache more powerful than a hangover, I went and slowly finished the last 2 rounds.
I have not worked as hard as I have to come this close to beating diabetes to let this damn “fat disease” kick my ass in the middle of a WOD. I can call it that! That’s why I have it. I get through every single WOD without quitting. I am horrified that diabetes almost made me quit. I am so enraged that my “fat disease” got in my way of competing. Moments like this take the focus off my successful workouts and put it on my fatness. Moments like that are unforgiving in your memory.
When I got home and took my blood sugar it was 57. That’s really low, especially after eating something so high in carbs. I probably shouldn’t have finished the WOD but mentally I had no choice.
I want to go to every middle school in the state and be a fat teacher. I want to go into the classrooms and tell the kids to put down the chips and the video games and go outside. Go kick a ball, ride a bike, play a sport. Just do something. It’s not about vanity, it’s not about looking like a runway model, and it’s not about others admiration for your strength. It’s about your life.
Tomorrow I will get up and have an apple before I workout. I’ll run a mile before I do the WOD. Elayne will yell at me to keep my ass down or to push a little harder. All will be right in my world once again. This is a journey and the road is long. Today was just a little ripple in the pond but a huge reminder of why I need to keep pushing forward.
Yesterday I left early to do the Crossfit mile before the WOD. I know when I do this daily I get better at running. I started the run with my usual self loathing and negative thoughts but I did something different this time. About a half mile into the run I said, loudly to myself, “SHUT THE F#@$ UP!” I am so tired of hearing myself complain about how much I don’t like running, complaining that it is humid and whining because I am not faster. Guess what, if I want to go faster I need to go faster! So I pushed myself and it felt good. I pushed myself a little harder and it felt even better. I finished that mile tired, but not exhausted, it felt great. It felt even better when I looked at my time and saw that I ran my first under 10 minute mile.
When I checked this morning’s WOD I saw the “skill” work was running 2 miles…before the actual workout. I didn’t flinch while reading the post or even consider skipping the WOD. I was looking forward to the run and the WOD itself. Sweet progress. I think there was also some residual cockiness and endorphins left over from my fantastically fast mile. Stick with the basics. Cockiness isn’t part of my Crossfit basics. Nervous, stressed, intimidated: good. Confident, cocky, overeager: bad. As if to remind me of this, I got a great big smack down.
I didn’t start the run out with the negative talk or self loathing. My run felt good. I was going faster than I normally do but hey, I learned that I am lightening fast. I need to push myself to get better. A little under a mile it just wasn’t feeling right. The miles felt overly hard. My legs felt heavy and my feet seemed to drag. I had to stop and walk just short of the finish because I thought I was going to fall. My body didn’t feel like it was mine. Humidity can take a lot out of you but all you can do is push through it, especially when one of the most athletic women you have ever met is waiting on the side of the building for you and is cheering you on with everything she has. You don’t stop. I pushed through with a 23:47 time. Fast for me.
Back at the box I drank some water, we caught our breath and got ready for the WOD. I was “excited” about the WOD. 30 double unders (I can’t do them so I do 60 regular jump ropes), 20 kettlebell swings and 10 wallballs for time. A nice, comfortable WOD, especially after a 2 mile run. 3….2.…1. I was ready to go, feeling better. I did the first 60 jump ropes straight through, no tripping or getting caught up on the rope. I was so pleased with myself I think I actually did a little woot woot out loud. Not being a woot woot girl, you know how excited I must have been to conquer that rope.
Smack down! Like the build up? It’s really not that exciting.
I knew it as soon as I walked over to the kettlebell. I felt like I was drunk. I could feel myself swaying a bit to the side as I was walking. I did the KB swings and half the wall balls before I had to stop and steady myself. I could feel my blood sugar dropping with each movement. With only three rounds left I thought I could muddle through, walk it off, catch my breath, move on. Round 2: jump rope got the better of me. It was just messy. Imagine jumping rope completely drunk. Moved on to KB, half way through I think I lost my balance or slipped with the KB. I’m not sure what I did but it got Super Coach Elayne’s attention. I told her I was fine and I worked through the rest of the kettlebell swings.
By the time I got over to the wall, maybe 2 feet, there was no denying it; I had no control over my body. My hands were shaking, I wasn’t controlling my legs, the music was a far off echo and I was seeing double. I needed to stop or I was going down. I had something to eat and brushed it off when Elayne looked a bit worried. After a few minutes rest, with more solid legs and a headache more powerful than a hangover, I went and slowly finished the last 2 rounds.
I have not worked as hard as I have to come this close to beating diabetes to let this damn “fat disease” kick my ass in the middle of a WOD. I can call it that! That’s why I have it. I get through every single WOD without quitting. I am horrified that diabetes almost made me quit. I am so enraged that my “fat disease” got in my way of competing. Moments like this take the focus off my successful workouts and put it on my fatness. Moments like that are unforgiving in your memory.
When I got home and took my blood sugar it was 57. That’s really low, especially after eating something so high in carbs. I probably shouldn’t have finished the WOD but mentally I had no choice.
I want to go to every middle school in the state and be a fat teacher. I want to go into the classrooms and tell the kids to put down the chips and the video games and go outside. Go kick a ball, ride a bike, play a sport. Just do something. It’s not about vanity, it’s not about looking like a runway model, and it’s not about others admiration for your strength. It’s about your life.
Tomorrow I will get up and have an apple before I workout. I’ll run a mile before I do the WOD. Elayne will yell at me to keep my ass down or to push a little harder. All will be right in my world once again. This is a journey and the road is long. Today was just a little ripple in the pond but a huge reminder of why I need to keep pushing forward.
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