Cupcakes, Ice cream & Barbecue chips

Note:  To my supportive, but blinded by love, husband and mother.  You may want to stop reading here.  I am going to use the F word and even the Big O.  I know how much you both hate it when I use these words.

Heavy.  Overweight.  Fat.  Obese. 

Say it with me, but say it correctly.  You need to say it like people say “cancer.”  Drop your voice to a near whisper and over articulate each syllable.  You know the way I mean, say it as if to say it, you may catch it.

I am fat.

The First Lady would have you believe it’s because my mother didn't breast feed me.  Residents of San Francisco want you to believe it’s because there were toys in my Happy Meals.  A large portion of society believes it is because of laziness.  I couldn’t disagree more.  I hate McDonalds.  I’ve never liked it, not even as a child.  My sister can live on it (I think she may have actually spent some periods in her life eating only McDonalds food) and she is far from fat.  I’m not lazy.  I am a hard worker and I have always been active.  That must mean it’s my mother’s fault.  Really???  Hasn’t blaming mom gotten old yet?

I am fat because I love things like cupcakes, ice cream and barbecue chips.  I really love barbeque chips.  I am fat because throughout my lifetime I have consumed too many of these bad things.  Why do bad things taste so good?!?  I could blame my family for not telling me to put my fork down and back away from the table but the reality of it is that I am fat because of my choices.  I love food.  I have always eaten too much of it.  I have made some really bad food choices.  These choices have made me obese.

Almost 4 ½ years ago (at my healthiest weight) I found out I was pregnant and almost in the same breath found out that I had full blown diabetes.  I cannot articulate the fear that ensued with this diagnosis and a very unhealthy and dangerous pregnancy.  They were only further complicated by becoming insulin dependent.  The physical and mental effect these things had on my life over the next few years seemed almost insurmountable. 

I spent the first two years of my son’s life overwhelmed by the joy that he was living and very healthy.  I was told that genetics were against him and he had a 1 in 4 chance of surviving the pregnancy.  I was paralyzed by this and never trusted his health.  Since life should never be easy or taken for granted, I also had to struggle with the loss of my sight.  My body couldn’t handle the hormones from pregnancy and as a result I lost my vision.  Several eye surgeries over 2 ½ years and it is completely restored….just without color this time. 

I got stuck.  Life with a toddler was hard.  My life felt hard.  I needed something easy.  Food is comforting and easy.  Before I knew it, it was 3 years and 40 lbs later. 

Four months ago I started Crossfit.  Three months ago I started eating Paleo (no grains, dairy or sugar.  Real food only.)  Cupcakes, ice cream and barbecue chips aren’t a part of my life anymore.  I’m not saying I will never eat any of it again because that would be unrealistic.  Where’s the joy if you can’t enjoy some ice cream now and then.  I had some the other day and it was fantastic.  I probably enjoyed it more than any other time I’ve had it because it was a special treat.  It wasn’t the snack at the end of the day, every day.

Obviously my life has changed drastically in these past four months but today I got a real glimpse of my future life.  I got the results back from my 3 month blood test, like all diabetics get regularly.  My glucose numbers have dropped down to that of a “person not at risk for diabetes.”  As of today I am no longer insulin dependent.  My doctor said if I keep on this track I will not have diabetes in a year, most likely six months.   My cholesterol was also down 70 points.  I have a few more pounds to go until I hit that 40 mark but the mental weight of those 40 pounds is long gone.  Even more exciting, my BMI has changed from obese to overweight.

Healthy.  Overweight.  Obese. 

We all have choices.  My life has become about making the right choices so I can live the life I have always wanted.  I chose to cross off obese, then overweight, on paper, on my body, in my mind and in my life.  I am going to replace fat with healthy.